oh my... the semester's gone by super quick... in a couple of days i woulda just lived through my first semester of university.. wheee!!!! well depends i guess. still kinda bummed that i'm not gettin the same marks as in high school, but it's expected and i guess i'm just getting used to it now. :P

phew... one more project and one more exam to go.. then... FREEDOM!!!! my goodness, i can't wait. yet, even over the break, i have a research paper to do... well just the bibliography, but still, something to do. meh... if i can get it done before i head off to jersey, that'll be the best. *sigh* i've been bumming the whole day. havn't even, well i have... looked at my notes and stuff for the exam i have on sat.. but i really should get to memorizing and making study notes and stuff from my lecture notes. (whoa... said notes a little too much in that sentence) but yah... gotta keep going... speaking of which, i should get going... and actually get some work done this afternoon.. :)

till later everyone!

* i think i can, i think i can, i think i can *

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship.

romans 12:1

okay.... where do i start? the verse up there? totally relevent to wat's been goin on in my life i guess. i dunno.. right now i feel like i'm in a ditch... not a lot of things seem to be going right... *sigh* not cool... uber-uncool (as mitchells ppl would say). so... i dunno what to say? school's getting extremely hectic... so many things to do, so little time, and even though i'm trying to pace myself i find that all my spare time is spent either sketching something or typing something or printing something or mounting sumthing. then again, i kinda shoulda expected it right??? i mean even before getting into the program all i heard frum ppl was "good luck! u'll never sleep again" and things like that. and to add to that, struggles with temptation, trust, and commitment are putting certain relationships on the rocks... and well that'z not too cool either.

argh.... don't know what to do. still have a paper to write and a folder to make for a box... and some sketches to do... *sigh* will i really never be able to sleep again?? oh my... and i gotta get some projects started and stuff or else i'll be mad behind... and i still got work to worry about and fellowship... BLEARGH... why must life be so complicated...

okay... i'm not really accomplishing anything other than just purely venting, which must not make that great of an impression here on the web... so maybe i'll just sit myself down... and just talk to God for a bit... and not just talk ... but really talk to God.... i think i need a bit of guidance and wisdom and probably a dose or two of grace and mercy... oh my... and a ton of that agape love. i think i'm at the point where i need that kick in the butt to really get closer to God... to go deeper with Him again. like i do my devos and stuff on the bus or before class, but aside from that i don't really spend that much time talking to Him anymore... THAT might explain why life doesn't seem right these dayz... =P

anywayz.. tmw'z yom kippur... and even tho i'm not jewish... i'm praisin God for the extra day to do work and what not... =/

*hazel needs... GOD*

arritey. almost the end of september and i'm just blogging NOW. yet again, i'm in my multimedia class. itz not too bad.. i'm actually learning things. =) feel kinda out of it at times though, just cuz i don't have the right book, well at least not the right edition of the book, and i'm kinda groping in the dark. but itz okay. PRAISE GOD for makin me a fast learner. phew! now i just gotta get working on my first assignment. currently don't have any grand ideas on what i can do, and i gotta go home and use my webcam and stuff to get pix of stuff.. either that or just beg and plead with nates to lemme use his camera.

*sigh* school's exhausting. i figured out that the earliest i can possible wake up on a weekday morning is 6:30. waking up at 6:00 to go with my mom to the bus station isn't working too well for me. either i have to sleep earlier or i just don't sleep at all. ooooo!! i had my first taste of alcohol this weekend. no, i wasn't off at some bar getting drunk.. it wuz a wedding reception and i had tastes and sips of... lemme see... champagne (too strong and bitter), red wine (kinda bitter and burns ur throat, but i dun think i stirred it well enuff), orange and rum (tastes like orange juice!), and orange and vodka (tastes more lemony, but needed to be watered down a little). so for the most part i didn't get really red or nething. but it wuz definitely an experience. i still wanna give strawberry daquiris a try, but i guess i'll just have to wait till i'm actually legal.. hahaha.. no worries... hazel won't get drunk... too many ppl looking out for me for that to happen.. =D

mmm... dayz at sheridan are still mega long, but itz arrite... so for i havn't had to do the 2 hr wait for the GO bus... but i might have to do that tmw. *sigh* i'm thinkin of doing bible studies for those two hours, but i dunno if anyone else is interested or not. and mmm... well i dunno what else to say really... God's been gently nudging me to use that time to get to know HIm better. itz just a matter of whether i'm supposed to use that time on my own to get to know Him better or if i'm supposed to start up a cell group or something. still praying about it i guess.

on a totally different note.... itz almost been 6 months!!!! aaaahhh!!! (my close ppl.. u know what i'm talkin about... =D can't believe it, eh?)

anyhow.. gotta get back to "work" hahahaha.. =D blog more later.. probably like a month from now... =/

*hazel needs sleep*

i'm sitting in class.

wowweee... havn't blogged in an uber-long time... =) so... august has come and gone and september's now here... ooOOoo.. fun, right??? RIGHT??? i really don't know what to say... i dun even know what's going thru my head much less what'z going on around me. went to york frosh today... i must say it wuzn't the best experience in the world... it wasn't the worst or nething... but nothing really memorable happened.. =P now i kinda get why people just go and get drunk @ frosh week... cuz seriously, i think thaz like the only way u can have fun at frosh.

then again, i could just be cynical...i mean today WAS the first day... and well i hardly met anyone... i met two of becca's friends... but no one new really. and well i guess it somewhat makes sense, cuz u really meet the people when classes start and what not, right? and if i REALLY wanted to meet people and have the whole university experience then i woulda lived on res... or at least went for the sleepovers during frosh week. *sigh* so weird to be thinkin of myself as a frosh. in my l'il head, i'm barely a teenager... but in reality i'm almost done my teenage yearz... mad freaky!!!

so wat can i say about my day at york??? hmmm... lemme see if i can just list a buncha words that relate...

i felt
... bored ...
... lost ...
... out of place ...
... misfitted ...
... young ...
... small ...
... short ...
... shy ...
... tired ...
... anti-social ...
... in pain (3 canker sores =P ) ...
... vulnerable ...

the last one is especially true. i guess never have i been in sucha situation where failure was so very possible and i really need to open up again and put myself out there in order to meet people. it's like i can't really be shy, or else i'd go through my university life without talking to a single soul outside of classes... and well, that's not really cool. wells, today has come and gone... and well, it waz truthfully kinda a snore.. maybe it's cuz it's a different bunch of people... a diff type of people... most of whom are probably non-c... making it a l'il harder to relate to them... and a lot of second hand smoke too!! grrr... anywayz... praying and hoping that the other dayz i make it out to frosh a l'il better than this one... and definitely praying that the school year is much better.... *sigh* highschool dayz are over... i miss my friends... i walk around the halls and i know no one and no one knowz me... itz so different all of a sudden... *sigh*

welps, enuff venting for now.... be back with univ updates later i guess... =)

*hazel needs to grow up*

'kay... this isn't really anything deep or nething like that.. just felt like typing... and since ther's no one really home or available to talk to at nite, then i figured i'd just ramble on here in my blog! =) so.. this is me... and how i'm feeling...

i am
... tired ...
... exhausted ...
... injured ...
... a l'il frustrated ...
... missin someone (smo) ...
... happy ...
... thankful ...
... joyful ...
... bruised up ...
... sleepy ...

... blessed ...

yep.. that just about wraps it up... =)

"... you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God."

1 corinthians 6:11

it's so awesome to know how forgiving God really is. honestly.... we're so... well i know i'm so unworthy to be standing in His presence, fellowshiping with His children (and my basics), leading worship, playing the piano for worship... and just a whole load of things in His ministry. so i really don't have any right to be ther... cuz well i'm one messed up kid... =P yet...by His mercy and grace He lets me serve Him in those ministries... and not just that, but He draws me closer to Him thru those activities, events, people, etc... still reveling in the fact that i actually AM santified, justified and washed in His blood... doesn't really make sense, but then again, if it did make sense then it wouldn't mean as much...

anyhoo... havn't blogged in a super-long time.... not that i havn't had anything to say or nething... itz more that i kinda forgot that i have this l'il blog thingy... hheheeh.. and i'm not too sure hw many ppl read this anyway, but meh... if u are reading this... THANK YOU!!! hehehehe... dunno why u'd be interested in the twisted workings of my l'il brain, but thx for reading... =D hmm... wat else was i gonna say? ohhhh!!! i have soooo many things to do in august it's ridiculous!!! waaahhh!!! i'm working so much cuz we're like mad short-staffed @ mitchells... so there are a couple of weeks where i'm working 5/6 possible dayz... *sigh* summer's going by way too fast.... and in addition to that ther's my gr.10 piano exam too! eeekkk!!! but God's got something to say about my laziness to practice piano.. believe it or not, i was reading the Book and i stumbled across this... and it's sooo direct that it's kinda freaky and funnie all at the same time...

"Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it, according to your means."

2 corinthians 8:11

now thinking back... i wanted to take piano SOOOO much when i wuz little and now i'm like bleh about finishing it... =P so that wuz basically a big *SMACK* frum God... but much needed... newayz... i still have much to say about what's been goin on this past month or so... but i got work in about an hour or so and ther's still a ton of stuff that i gotta get done... *sigh* growing up really bites sumtimes... nehooo... 'nuff frum me for now... i should blog more often rather than just taking up precious internet space... =)

*marvelling at His goodness and mercy*

"The Lord says:

"These people come near to me with their mouth
and honor me with their lips,
but their hearts are far from me.
Their worship of me
is made up only of rules taught by men."

isaiah 29:13

God is phenomenal. there really isn't anything else to say. He never ceases to amaze. youth on a hill's second event was last nite... still continuing with the vision of revival through unity we all got together at mel lastman square and really just celebrated what God's been doin in our school fellowships all around Toronto, and even outside the GTA region. last nite, God made some radical changes to how things are done by the youth in toronto. i dunno how many people stepped up to the call put before them to live the difference and to be the light in the darkness and not the light in the light, but i know it really challenged me to do something... to be something out of the ordinary and not just to be complacent (thanks kat!) with how things are going around me. amazing things happened last nite... people from my school who u would never expect to see @ an event like this were there.. and not just for the food... but for the service too. itz crazie.... i literally just stood there after the service in shock that these two guyz from my school showed up for the rally.. they are like the last people on earth you'd expect to see there, yet they were there... getting some extra hot dogs... and they didn't just pass by, but they were there from the service. crazie....

and so i wuz helping out with the worship team and well pride's a really REALLY big issue when u're gonna be on stage... and i've just been asking God to break me down and literally make me nothing... and boy did He do that! singing "here i am to worship" my legs went all trembly and i could barely stand. God just showed me that i was put on this earth to worship Him. everything else, all the free food, all the friends, entertainment, fun, etc.. thaz all just a bonus... my main purpose is to worship Him and bring the glory back to Him. i was really challenged to mean what i say when i sing "here i am to worship/here i am to bow down/here i am to say that you're my God/" i'm still in awe and speechless over what happened last nite... God's gonna be doin some prettie amazing things in the dayz to come, and ir eally can't wait to see what He's gonna do in all the different christian fellowships next year... whooo!!! anywayz.. pointless for me to keep rambling... still exhausted, but exhilirated all at the same time... God is GOOODD...=)

*praising God fr/ the heart*
cuz my voice is pretty much gone =)

oh my goodness... tonite's gotta be one of the most memorable nites of my life... like seriously. just goin out and chillin with my friends for a belated birthday celebration... something i'll never forget... it wuz so much fun, and even tho i didn't have a camera to snap all the pix.... itz gonna be forever embedded in my head. all the laughs that we had tonite and all the memoriez shared.. and just the time spent together... gonna miss all that when we're all off to univ... itz gonna be mad hard to get together again for birthday parties and stuff... esp when the birthdays are scattered all over the year and everyone's off to diff places... *sniff sniff* but i've been gettin some prettie sage advice i guess, 'bout learnin to let go and move on and just give thanks for the time that i DID get with 'em. *sigh* growin up just bites sometimes...=P

anywayz... as cliche as it seemz... as school officially ends, one chapter's ending and another one's beginning. itz weird to think that i'm gonna go to school next september and not know ANYONE in any of my classes. don't know how i'm gonna survive. itz like all of a sudden i hafta go thru the whole process of making friends and building those friendshipz all over again.. i mean i already went thru nine yearz of that in elementary, and another four in highschool.. and here comes another four...gotta put myself out ther again, let myself be vulnerable and just learn to trust more i guess... yet be careful all at the same time as to who i associate with.

so anywayz.. 'nuff sad reminiscing for a while.. tonite wuz a blast... from the dinner and the punches... to the dessert and the moose hat... to driving around tryin to find a place that'll seat 12-14 people, and ending up at metro playing cards (PIG and Big Two) and doing dares... all of it wuz a blast... i think i killed my abs just laughing my head off tonite, but it wuz worth it... all the stress and all that wuz worth it just to have this time to spend with my friends... i really hope we all get together again during the summer.. i'd really hate to lose the friendships that we all had throughout the four years of highschool. they've taught me so much and i know that ther's still tonz to learn.. but i guess thaz all in God's hands, i mean it'z really impossible to stay friends with ur highschool crew when u're all off to diff univ/colleges and u're all doin different thingz, meeting diff people.. but hey.. what'z impossible with men is possible with God, right? =) *sigh* life's good... too fast tho...

anywayz, my eyes are barely stayin open and i still have work tmw, so i'm off to bed.... it wuz fun... tonite wuz a blast... a memorable nite... praisin God for all my friends and all the blessings He's imparted to me.. ones that i truly don't deserve.. but God's good to me like that... PRAISE GOD!

*thankin Him for all He's given*

... now is the moment, forever is the memory ...

four years of high school
nine years of elementary school
eleven years of spiritual life
eighteen years of life

... many more years to come ...

it's crazie how fast time flies by.... can't believe highschool's over and done with, and i can't believe that i'm already eighteen. it's really insane... seriously... i don't even FEEL eighteen... then again, i didn't feel seventeen either. and now, just like that i'm off to university (gonna get stepped on!!! eeekk!! =P) itz strange... this feeling that thingz are done and over with... and yah, all throughout the four years, i probably griped on more than one occassion how i wish highschool was all over and what not cuz of all the work, but truthfully, they were definitely memorable years... lotsa ups, many more downs... but i made it out alive... thaz the point i guess... after all, what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger, right? meh... brings tearz to think of everyone goin off and doin their own thing in their own place at their own time... well technically God's time.. but you know...=/

*sigh* so yesterday i went to pick up my yearbook and was flipping thru it when it hit me... this is like the last high school yearbook i'm ever gonna have!!! *tear drop falls* and as i wuz lookin thru all the pix and all the grad stuff... it hit me again... i can't believe i'm actually in the graduates section! i'm alwayz accustomed to seeing my tiny l'il pic buried among all the other ones in the undergrads section... and now i have my own l'il box thingy with my final words and my quotes and info and stuff... scary... i'm so used to reading other ppl's grad comments from years before... like my older friends...and yet.. lo and behold... i'm the one making the comments this time... scarrrriiieee!!!! *sigh* to add on to it, i was out in the commons where all the twelves were chilling and signing bookz and what not and i realized that this is like the last time that we'll all be huddled in a corner of the commons signing each other's bookz... =( mmm... makes the heart ache and the head hurt sometimes to think of where we'll all be next year... all diff universities, all diff programs, all different walks of life...=/

but i guess u don't really cling to the past... u live for the moment and see what else God's got planned for you... still can't believe i've made it this far with all the blessingz He's given me... and i have the nerve to complain???? eekk... wow... i just got a good God-smack... update on examz... cal-q-lus was deadly, but all the other examz were good... PRAISE GOD... =) nehowz.. off to school.... gotta get my yearbook signed and run a few errands.... GOD IS GOOD....

*reflecting*

whooo... havn't blogged in a while.. yet i have so much to say too! strange... actually, i've been finding myself away from the comp a lot nowadayz... wellz... some updates i guess... (tho i dun really know who reads this...)

I'M DONE EXAMZ!!! PRAISE GOD!!! basically done all high school examz... i have a few summatives and isps and presentations left to do, but the examz are done and over with!!! yay!!! bye-ology wasn't too bad.. neither wuz fisix... but cal-q-lus killed me... eeeekkk!!! welpz, all in God's hands now... i can't very well re-write the exam or nething... and english... that just made my hand hurt, but i'm hoping i did well... we'll see i guess... so for this week, i'm prettie much vegging.. and just letting the mind regenerate a l'il... but i gotta get crackin on them presentations and what not... whoo... after next week... i'll be done high school... like forever!!! accckkk!!! wow... do i ever feel old... =P

speaking of old... 5 dayz and counting till i'm officially 18... oh my goodness.. me, 18?? itz a crazie thot... hehehe.. i know all my older "siblingz" well my basics are all freaking out cuz i'm turning 18.. meaning they're gettin older too.. hahaha.. =D so jokes.. but yah... oh my goodness... then again, itz not like i get to do a whole lotta stuff.. lemme think.. i can... write my own notes, vote, buy a lottery ticket... thaz basically it! which is probably a good thing... too much freedom @ once can never be a good thing.. meanz more responsibility all at once... mmm... *sigh* itz been a long 18 years, yet a short one too... strange how fast time flies... and to add to it, i never imagined myself to be where i am, who i am, now... then again, i don't really see myself as a 17-year-old, much less an 18 year-old... kinda funnie... this thing called life... =)

(wow.., talk about deep stuff, eh??) hahaha... arritey... so i'm sitting here, sorta coughing up a lung... (and no, itz not sars!!) but i guess this is God's way of tellin me to slow down and be still.. havn't really done that since examz were done and over with.. wuz kinda alwayz out and stuff... well not alwayz out.. but alwayz doin something other than being still before God... so i think gettin sick yesterday wuz His way of tellin me to slow down a bit and just enjoy BEING with Him... wow... love God! there were a few verses and phrases i wanted to put up, but they're all in my sermon book which is with stephie right now... meh... i'll do it whenever i blog again... but i've been hearing some prettie awesome sermons and even more amazing stuff during devos in His Word... PRAISE GOD!!! wheee!!! i love hearing frum my Heavenly Daddy! so comforting... =)

anyhooz... enuff for now... blog more some other time... eeekk!! this week's gonna be so much fun.. well sorta... kinda... maybe? but next friday... WWAAAHHH!!! PROM!!! well formal here in Canada.. =D but still... eeeekkk!!! can't wait!!! i think my frenz and i got a limo too!!! never been in one of those.. oh my... itz gonna be one crazie nite.. on friday the 13th too.. hehehe.. go figure... i'm gone.. i should go and take another cat-nap.. then again, i've been doin that ALL day.. meh... naps are good.. sleep is precious

*being still*

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

james 1:2-4

what a fitting verse and sermon for the day... been realizing as the day continues that there's so much stuff i gotta do and go thru in the next two or three weeks. there are examz this week, enrolment appointment next week, presentations and projects due the week after... and then ther's prom too! and then after that ther's yoah and retreat and of course softball.. and amidst all that is work too... *sigh* all of a sudden life got sooo jam-packed with stuff, i dunno where i find the time to do thingz anymore.. and granted there are a lotta thingz that i've had to sacrifice simply cuz of a lack of time... really stinkz... =P

so this week's examz.. but after this week i'll be all done w/ high school examz.. WHOOO!!! praise God!!! =) but then ther's still other stuff to get thru... aiya... i dun like being so busy... =P i feel like i've lost touch with so many of my friends cuz i've been running around doing so many different things... mostly ministry things too, so i can't really complain...=P just wish i had more time i guess. and this is the last summer before we all go off to our different worlds and different universities... awww.. gonna cry.. =*( i really really really hope that we all keep in touch tho.. it would really suck if we didn't... i mean all those yearz down the drain... =P

anywayz.. back to the verse... granted i'm not really going thru any MAJOR trials.. like stuff that affects a lotta ppl.. just more difficulties i guess.. mostly with being bogged down with so much stuff to do... and gotta reorganize my priorities i guess... see where my priorities lie and what not... but yah.. i guess these count as times of trials... where my faith is bein tested for genuine-ness... *sigh* learning so much... not that itz a bad thing or nething... just tiring sometimes i guess.. =P anyhowz.. dunno what i'm still doing up.. i should really really really get to bed... got a crazie busy week ahead.. i think i'll be hibernating in my room till examz are done and over with... maybe no phone or internet either... =P gotta do well on these examz... soo.. cut off all communication with the outside world for a week? well unless i'm in desperate need of help or something for examz... hehehe.. i'm sounding like a hermit.. =P meh... think i'm just being a girl...=/ welps... off to bed... need some sleep if i'm supposed to get thru this week alive...

rejoicing in trials
... or at least attempting to... =P

*SMACK!!!*

"Once we lose sight of God, we begin to be reckless. We cast off certain restraints from activities we know are wrong. We set prayer aside as well and cease having God’s vision in the little things of life. We simply begin to act on our own initiative. If we are eating only out of our own hand, and doing things solely on our own initiative without expecting God to come in, we are on a downward path."

my utmost for His highest

so after a day like today, i think that segment of my devos this morning really hit hard. mmm.. i'm SOOO tired... still so sleepie... =P grrr... just been a crazie busy week... like insanely busy week... and a few more to come too!! itz so bad, i look at each week now not by where it is in the month, but what i have due and what i have to do... stinkz... =P but itz great that God's still smacking me when i need to be smacked... *sigh* Fatherly love... =D anywayz.. i still can't fathom how i've made it alive thus far... had two tests this week and i'm still alive and kickin... next week i have a buncha stuff to do, and the same with the week after.. then the week after that... EXAMZ!!! eeekk!!! but the great part is.. after i get it all done and over with.. i never hafta write another high school exam again!!! yippeee!!! but that just meanz that i move onto even more stressful univ examz =/ eeeekkk... itz like the whole outta the frying pan into the fire concept... meh... God'll keep me safe... =D

so today on itz own wuz busy... i didn't even get to see my house until 9:45pm or so tonite... after i left the house this morning i never saw it again till tonite... *sigh* it wuz still a fun day nonetheless tho... play day at good ol' bafoon... =D hehehee.. learned how to make cotton candy and got to play on this basketball bungee thingy.... stinkz that i couldn't play on the obstacle course tho...=/ and yah.. i basically got to chill with my friends... got to catch up and talk with some ppl that i rarely see nowadayz... and got to just have fun,... only went to like two classes today... oh my... it wuz SOOO hard to stay awake in fisix.. then had to work after.. but meh... itz arrite.. the nite went by prettie fast.. PRAISE GOD!!! then tmw! oh my... well 'nuff bout all the stuff i hafta do... i guess after reading the devo i realized that i'm in the danger zone of getting too busy and losing sight of God.. gotta keep remembering to keep my eyes on the prize... God's heart. lately i've been finding it harder and harder to find time just to sit and literally BE STILL.. like mosta the time i'm alwayz doing two thingz at once and what not... but yah... learning how important it is just to spend quality time with God... =) i think i should talk to Him more often.., like it doesn't even hafta be like "prayer language" or what not... i can just whine and vent and be the persistent child that He's claimed me as... =) PRAISE GOD!!!!

anywayz... still have tonz of stuff to do.. and i really really need to catch up on my zzzZZzzz's... i can't wait till summer... *sigh* meh.. ther's a season for everything... =) but yah... need God to send some refreshing rain at the moment... either that or precious sleep... =D just need something to get me up and going again... physically... spiritually i'm prettie cool.. =D just gotta remember to not be too busy to pray...=/ nehoo.. thaz all for me for now.. thingz in life are going prettie great... thinkin more and more about how i'm gonna miss my friends when we're all out there supposedly being "grown-ups" but yeh... God'll sustain the friendships... and i've alwayz got my basics... wheee!!! love 'em! =D

*hazel needs sleep*

wow school's tiring... and i only had one class this morning... meh.. watevr... got to talk to some old friends during a very VERY boring tap session. i dun get why we still have tap when we're graduating.. i mean ther's really only so much to know about university apps and what not... well yah.. so they were talking about living on res and the stuff u should do to survive first year, all stuff i know cuz i have more than enuff ppl that are in uni to refer to... =)

anyhow... 'nuff of the useless stuff... i still haven't blogged about coffeehouse.. well mini-coffeehouse... ack!!! it wuz TOTALLY insane! arrite.. so we didn't really get the 100% for sure from our teacher that she wuz gonna supervise coffeehouse until like monday afterschool or so... and no one was prepped with posters or announcements or nething... so we didn't have ANY advertisements... none at all.. we didn't have a speaker... or any AV equipment aside from the amps that our guitarists (or geetarists as nat likes to say...=) brought... and we were missing tonz of transparencies... but PRAISE GOD for providing... =)

so this is what happened.... wednesday april 30, 2003
3:30pm - hazel and jason park go to the cafe to start setting up
3:40pm - worship team sets up, hazel finds that we don't have transparencies
3:45pm - hazel and jason RUN to mr. lee and beg him to photocopy transparencies for us; mr. lee being the awesome teacher that he is offers to print it off on a laser printer instead, right off the web... chords and everything... =)
3:50pm - still printing out transparencies (yes.. thats how may we were missing); jason runs back down to the cafe and tells the leaders of the various teams to pray in the back of the cafe for the upcoming fellowship time
3:55pm - still printing.... the games team starts up with a few games here and there (hazel still doesn't know how many ppl are in the cafe at this point in time)

so yah.. that wuz like the half hour before we actually STARTED.. which was around 4 or so... the games team did a lot of games... ppl got involved, it was awesome... God's soooo good! so i walk into the cafe around 4... and see A LOT of ppl... did a quick headcount... 40 ppl... jason and i run off into the hallway to pray... then we go back into the cafe and we start worship...

overall it wuz an amazing time...we finished at around 5:15 or so.. and we didnt' even get in trouble for going past 5 like we normally do... we had food... and yah.. just great times for fellowship.. and testimonies.. oh my... we only really had one testimony and like a mini-sermon c/o jason.. hehehe.. whooo!!! i see him being a pastor in the future!!! hahahah.. but yah.. it wuz awesome... the fact that we hardly did anything.. and still had 40 ppl come.. you KNOW thatz gotta be God's doing... only Him... i mean it makes no sense that ppl would come when we didnt' even advertise or nething.. and that things would go off so smoothly even when we were missing so many things... =P but PRAISE GOD!!!! it wuz amazing... can't wait to see what else He's gonna do... =)

anyhow... thaz coffeehouse... i'm gonna be soooo stinkin busy for like the rest of may... argh... don't like being so busy.. =( ANYhowz.. i should get some stuff done.. be productive in my spare... =D God bless... don't have anything in mind for verses... just keep praying and keep persevering...

okay.. so i wuz blogging last nite when everything i wuz typing went *poof!* and disappeared.. and me being tired and mostly lazy, i didn't bother retyping... but i guess i can give the point-forms of what i wuz bloggin/learning last nite.... it wuz based on this:

"Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it."

luke 17:33

Are you prepared to surrender totally and let go? The true test of abandonment or surrender is in refusing to say, "Well, what about this?" Beware of your own ideas and speculations. The moment you allow yourself to think, "What about this?" you show that you have not surrendered and that you do not really trust God. But once you do surrender, you will no longer think about what God is going to do. Abandonment means to refuse yourself the luxury of asking any questions. If you totally abandon yourself to God, He immediately says to you, "I will give your life to you as a prize . . . ."

my utmost for His highest

so yah... prettie self-explanatory... gotta give everything to Him. there are still a lotta things in life that i hold on to and try to do on my own.. which i know isn't the brightest thing to do... i guess i'm pretty dumb when it comes to things in life... i guess thaz where my "stupid sheep" side comes in... PRAISE GOD for being the Shepherd, showing me where to go... otherwise i'd like fall off a cliff or something.. =/ so yah... just learning i guess to give it up and wholly and completely leave it in His hands... been smacked a few timez here and there, but it's definitely good to hear God speak again. =)

okay.. so that wuz yesterday... today wuz really funnie too.. oh my goodness.. where to begin. okay... so last nite i wuz talking with a friend about the prospective coffeehouse we were gonna have at bci.. supposedly tmw.. but we ran into some problemz... not being able to find a supervisor and all, so we weren't even sure whether we were gonna have coffeehouse or not.. then all of a sudden our weekly/regular supervisor who at first said she wuz uncomfortable supervising an event like that apparently changed her mind... so here we go... everything wuz provided for and stuff.. but we were still kinda ill-prepped cuz everyone basically figured that it wouldn't happen if we didnt' find someone to supervise by the end of the week. so we have all the technicalities covered, but we didn't have a lotta stuff planned.. and though our teacher wuz okay with supervising the coffeehouse, she still didn't want it to be a really BIG event, and she wasn't too sure about having a speaker come in either. so that wuz the scenario and i wuz talkin to the other fellowship leader about it and he said that he thinkz we should push thru with it... me bein a l'il pessimistic thought we should post-pone it at least a week and let everyone get settled down and ready... i wuz just really uncertain whether we should push through it with or not.. cuz everything seems so disorganized...=/

then.. devos first thing this morning... oh my goodness... God's too funny...

Leave everything to Him and it will be gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in—but you can be certain that He will come. Remain faithful to Him.

my utmost for His highest

the whole devo was about uncertainty... and basically to stop trying to be certain about things in life.. whether they'll happen or not... and just be certain in one thing... God. when u're certain with God... it doesn't matter that u're not certain about everything else in life... because if u lift everything up to Him and let Him have some elbow-room to work, it's certain that He will work in HIS WAY.. not ours.. not the way we expect.. but the way He wants.... all we gotta do is remain faithful and honour Him in everything we do... after all, God is faithful to those who are faithful to Him and He honours those who honour Him... =) kinda scary when God speaks, but still prettie cool... so i believe we're having a "mini-coffeehouse" tmw... still a l'il unsure... but hey.. itz not about me... itz about God.

aside from that... i'm learning not to complain so much about the thingz in life that are crumby and stressing and "mah fan"... learning to glorify God in all that i do, and count my blessings... =) thaz basically it, i dun really have anything specific... just learning a lot... feel sorta like a sponge.. absorbing everything... =) why can't studying for tests be that easy? =D anywayz... final thoughts...

as children bring their broken toys
with tears for us to mend,
i brought my broken dreams to God
because He is my Friend.

but then instead of leaving Him
in peace to work alone,
i hung around and tried to help
with ways that were my own.

at last, i snatched them back and cried,
"how can You be so slow?"
"my child," He said, "what could I do?
you never did let go."

let go and let God

mmm.. where to start... letz just say God's been doing some smackin upside the head again... which is good, cuz i think i really really really needed it anyway... and He clearly wasn't getting thru nudging me... so yah.. the whack wuz much needed. been learning tonz lately.. just about life, and true love, and wow.. just lotz.. can't list 'em all... too many to name... just today, God spoke like EVERYWHERE!!!! in devos first thing in the morning, in service thru the worship songz, the sermon, worship during fellowship, the bible study... waahhh... just everywhere... in everything.., through everything... i guess i'm still not feeling 100% right with God, but i'm getting there... the good news: i'm moving again in my walk with God.. no longer stuck in that rut... the smack wuz a good push too and it got me moving quicker... just hoping that itz a long-lasting moving and not just cuz i got pushed... =P

well, not gonna blog much more tonite, i should be studyin for my bio quiz tmw... but there are just some thingz that are more important than school... like getting right with God... cuz i mean truthfully, school can only get you so far... God takes u the rest of the way anyway.. if u're not right with Him, then where are you gonna go when school finishes? exactly!! and remember: marks don't get you into heaven... but of course... still glorify God thru ur schoolwork.. itz our way of responding to His blessing of education =) a l'il something i learned in bible study today... =) here's the main gist of the sermon:

when you pray, remember:
... the love of God ~ He only wants what's best for us ...
... the wisdom of God ~ He knows what's best for us ...
... the power of God ~ only He can bring to pass what's best for us ...

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

philippians 4:6-7

amazingly, i've been able to find time in the mornings to get myself outta bed and spend some time with God. granted, it's not the longest time, and sometimes i get side-tracked worrying about the time (don't wanna be late for school now), but starting the day off with God and reading the same devo at nite has really proved to be helpful. of course not everything is inspirational or life-changing... but ther'z alwayz a l'il something that God wantz to say every day... =) and today, God spoke... more God nudged... and just reminded me to keep pressin on and pushing forward.. even during those "funky" times, when u feel like u're in a rut and not inspired at all....

The proof that our relationship is right with God is that we do our best whether we feel inspired or not.

my utmost for His highest

so yah... itz kinda self-explanatory... mmm.. God's SOOOO good!!! just blessin me w/ a job and stuff... and well, school's not too bad i guess.. just gotta remember to keep workin hard, even after all the univ acceptances have come... whooo!!! PRAISE GOD for those too!!!! i can't believe He got me into all four!!! waaahh!!! i didn't waste any money... yippeee!! =D so yah.. now itz decision-making time, but i'm most likely gonna end up at york. it's so weird, cuz all my friends are starting to hear from univs too and from what it's turning out like, most of 'em are gonna end up at UT downtown... itz kinda strange.. cuz itz like my whole group of friends... at least most of 'em are gonna end up at the same univ... possibly even the same college... so odd... it'll be like high school, except in a bigger setting... but i mean we'll all still end up at different places tho. i can't imagine what it'll be like for us to all be at different schools... i mean i've grown up with a lot of 'em.. known 'em way back when we were still in kindergarten and playing in the sandbox and at the water table.. then all of a sudden i don't see 'em at all during the week... and we gotta MAKE time to chill and meet up and stuff rather than just passing by in the hallz and stopping for a chat... mmm... it'll be really really strange.. but i guess thaz all part of growing up.. reaching out and meeting new ppl.. hahaha.. after all.. it'll be more opportunities to evangelize.. wheee!!! =)

so ANYwayz.. 'nuff freaky thots about univ... still can't believe that i'll be ther in september.. don't feel old 'nuff to be in university.. but at the same time, i'm prettie ready to leave highschool... or maybe i'm just ready for summer.. and time to RELAX... =) just lookin over the next two months that are left of school... oh my goodness.. tonz of stuff coming up... isu's and isp's due within the next few weekz.. then FORMAL!!! ack!!! i think thaz in.... 4 weeks(?) oh... well in that case.. i still got a month.. but that'z gonna go by SOOO fast with all the school stuff that needs to get done... wow.. before u know it, the school year'll be over... =*( last year of high school.. went by so fast... mmm... time to grow up (?) hahahha.. nah!!! =D ah wellz, we'll see what God's got in store... 'nuff blogging.. i'm just mad bored... and don't wanna study nemore.. hehehe.. =) God is good... ALL THE TIME!!!

pressing onward
pushing every hindrance aside
out of my way
'cuz i want to know You more

~ in the secret (i want to know You) ~

Beware of any work for God that causes or allows you to avoid concentrating on Him.

my utmost for His highest

so... yet again, God proves Himself faithful... and when you pray, u're guaranteed to get answers. so as i wuz bloggin last nite... i need to listen more and just drop everything to hear His voice... cuz yah.. i've been so wrapped up in all the stuff thaz coming up... softball, work, coffeehouse, school, church, and SOO much more.. that i've kinda cut my prayer times down to like the 5 minz before i fall asleep... then i find myself waking up and saying amen.. cuz i didn't completely finish the prayer before i lost consciousness... and truthfully, God deserves much better.

so itz kinda funnie that i wake up early this morning for no reason... and i couldn't get back to sleep either... so i open up my utmost... and the statement above is the first statement. and it continues on later and says: The only responsibility you have is to stay in living constant touch with God, and to see that you allow nothing to hinder your cooperation with Him. and all about how it's when we lose sight of God and let the "stuff" get in the way of our focus on God that we end up being burdened and burned out... and honestly, i think thaz the reason that i wuz in sucha funk recently. and well, God finally got through to me.. PRAISE GOD!!! itz awesome to hear Him... and yah... itz a challenge... esp with all the stuff thaz coming up, but listening and just BEING with God is more important than doing all the stuff... after all God values the person more than the ministry.

mmm.. what else is there to say? i started the day in prayer and will be ending it in prayer.. and well itz been awesome throughout! oh!!! there are a couple of prayer requests... bcf coffeehouse.. we need some guidance on that... currently, we're lacking a/some teacher supervisor(s) and we can't have a coffeehouse if there aren't any staff supervisors.. but i know God'll provide.. i think this is just one of those tests.. cuz up to now thingz have come prettie easy... mmm.. more prayer... lots of prayer... other than that, i don't really have anything else that comes to mind. hopefully my day tmw'll be as productive as today... meh.. didn't get the comp art stuff done, but itz arrite.. as long as i stop being so lazie... grrr.. so hard to be motivated when u've already gotten acceptances and u just want summer to be here.. =P

anyhoo... time to pray and just talk to God for a bit.. whee!! can't wait... God's been so awesome.. there are SOOO many thingz that He's blessed me with, itz crazie... wow... PRAISE GOD!!! i can't wait to see what tomorrow'll bring... and then friday.. eekk!!!! test.. =P and then the weekend.. whoa!!! thiz weekend's gotta be fun... =D so much stuff to do, but fun stuff... =) anywayz.. 'nuff for now... prayer time...time to sit and BE STILL....

make my life a prayer to You
i want to do what You want me to...

~ make my life a prayer ~

The secret of the servant’s life is that he stays in tune with God all the time.

my utmost for His highest

okay... wow... just... wow... the things that have been happening lately are just mind-boggling. seriously. i dun even know where to start! i guess first off... lotsa prayer... i dun think i've been spending nearly enuff time in prayer as i should be. and when i am praying, itz like my mind is elsewhere and i'm not really giving God my full attention. and i know how annoying that can be at times when you don't give someone all your attention and ur heart and ur mind are kinda in two different places. thaz how i feel a lotta the time. i think i'm kinda in danger of fallin in the "martha syndrome" just doing stuff... but not listening and being still enuff... but when i actually DO stand still and just LISTEN.. oh my... God's amazing. tonite i've learned a lot... actually wait.. this whole easter weekend i've learned a lot and i've realized a lot i guess... i've realized that i'm slowly... and i emphasize SLOWLY growing up. i can't just be the kid i alwayz am anymore... gotta take on more and more responsibility.. esp heading off to univ...

so... back to the thingz that i've learned.... focus... i've been learning more and more about how important it really is to focus on God and make Him the centre and purpose for EVERYTHING. i guess itz really hard when u're heading off to univ and u've got school and what not to worrie about. and i guess this weekend i really saw how busy i am... and how busy i'm gonna be for the next few months. i dunno... kinda good, kinda bad? good cuz a lot of it is like ministry stuff... bad cuz it makes me busy and i don't wanna be so busy that i #1. lose touch with God.... become out of tune w/ God all of a sudden.... and #2. lose touch with my friends, family and basics... i dun ever wanna be too busy to stop and just chit-chat with friends and catch up on whatz been going on... and of course to accomplish all this... i know exactly what i need... PRAYER... and some good time management skillz.. meanin no more slacking and procrastinating.. hahahaha... come to think of it, i'm STILL procrastinating right now!!! aiya... got lotz to learn and lotz to work on... mmm.. i have a feelin i'm in for a good smackin... =P *sigh* need to be still.. need to listen... need to TRUST... and just wait on God and wait on His timing for thingz... and i think more humility is needed... still got some pride in me... needs to be broken down.. i SOOO need to be like stepped on or something.... =P just proves that i'm still a work in progress...=/

draw me close to You, never let me go...

You're all i want
You're all i ever needed
You're all i want
Help me know You are near

~ draw me close ~

God is good

honestly, don't know what else to say... God's just been mad blessing me left right and center kinda thing....1st thing's first... GOD GOT ME INTO YORK!!!! whooo!!!! my first choice!!!!!!! ackk!!!! i dunno... i'm so excited and happy, but now itz decision making time.. york or ocad... ppl are tellin me ocad.. otherz are tellin me york... gotta do some crazie praying about it.... oh my... i dun wanna make the wrong decision and then regret it and waste a year of my life... eeekkk!!! so yah.. thaz one of the biggies when it comes to prayer requests... that and my calc test tmw... argh... don't like cal-q-lus....

but yah... anywayz.. 'nuff venting... God's been awesome.. just the stuff He's doing in bcf and even in agape... and how He's sustained me thru this week... itz been soooo busy and soooo stressful, but God's been surrounding me with amazing support in my b.a.s.i.cs....just getting prayer support and stuff.. and prayer really does work!!! i wuz praying that i get mosta my calc stuff done today b4 piano so that i could go to yoah.. and ppl were prayin the same thing for me... and well go figure, i get home and i'm able to finish most of everything before piano and i wuz able to go to yoah tonite!!! whooo!!! PRAISE GOD!!!

anywayz... thingz are great... still kinda in a rut in termz of what i'm learning from God... but we all need the times of silence and just perseverence... gotta wait it out and keep pressing on... =) wow... God's amazing... oh my!!! wait.. forgot something! i wuz in bio class today and a nonC friend started asking about why we got thurs off and stuff so i wuz given that window of opportunity to start sharing...so i told her all about passover and easter and stuff.. and what really happened.. and even the history of passover... wow... PRAISE GOD!!! hopefully she'll ask more questionz and God'll gimme the right words to say... prayin that He'll speak thru me... =) and she's muslim too... so itz prettie cool that she's askin all these questionz... wow... i can't wait to see God work! =D God's been sooooo good!!! i dunno where i'd be if i didn't know Him... whoa... scary!!!!

imagine me without You, i'd be lost and so confused
i wouldn't last a day, without You there to see me through
imagine me without You, Lord, You know it's just impossible
because of You, it's all brand new, my life is now worthwhile
i can't imagine me without You.

imagine me without You ~ jaci velasquez

"When you bow down before the Lord and admit your dependence on him, he will lift you up and give you honor."

james 4:10

okay... so God's still teaching. read this yesterday... just totally coincides with the whole 100% dependence = pure joy... wow... God's too good... =) mmm.. ANYwayz.. only three dayz of school this week, but madly packed with WAAAAYYY too many things... found out yesterday that i have a calc test on wednesday too!!!! waaaaahhhh!!!!! i hate school.. grrr...

on the plus side... GOD GOT ME INTO UTM!!!! whooooooo!!!! it wuz my last choice, but i mean now i have two places to go for post-secondary... yayy!!!! PRAISE GOD!!!! argh... gotta get thru two more dayz of school.. just two more dayz... and i just gotta time manage i guess... and well, knock each thing off one by one... step by step... speaking of which.. why am i blogging???? i hafta study!!!!!!! pray for me pplz!!! thx a billion... keep countin ur blessingz, cuz u'll find that God's been giving u much more than u realize... =)

mmmm... God's been quiet... not completely silent, but not throwing me around the room and whacking me across the head either... just quiet... whispering i guess? but yah... been learnin a few things this week... more at the beginning of the week i guess, cuz there were a coupla days when i wuz just in a funk... dunno why.. but yah... just those dayz i guess...

ANYwayz.. lessons learned:

test = testimony
100% dependence + God = pure joy

so yah... itz been interesting.. been kinda silent on blogs lately, cuz well school getz in the way... stinkz.. grrr... can't wait till easter break.. wheeee!!!! three-day school week next week... PRAISE GOD! mmm.. lemme think.. i'm supposed to meet up with Chris Tompkins sometime this week.. wheee!!! free lunch too!!! hahaha.. but yah.. see what God's got in store for the fellowship @ good ol' bafoon.. but yah.. we'll see... mmm.. lots to do this week.. not as much as last week, but still a lot.. lemme think.. eng for monday, bio lab for tues, bus admin test (again) on tues... then FREEDOM!!! hahahaha.. well till after easter break that is.. =P wow... God's been soooo good... gotta keep seekin Him tho in these times of quiet-ness.. =) really really don't wanna get into routine... yuck.. the worst word in the Christian life.. routine... yuck.. =P ANYwayz... i'm glad that i'm still learning.. God' ssoooo good... =D

... the trials in life are not enemies of faith, but are opportunities to prove God's faithfulness ...

okay.. life is .... crazie... i can't say life sux, cuz it doesn't.. i've been given sooo many blessings that even when the trials in life come along, they don't seem that tough, cuz i've got amazing support... PRAISE GOD... okay... so first of all, thingz are a l'il hectic with school, work, fellowship etc, and family... oh my goodness.. dad's in the hospital at the moment cuz something's wrong with his right eye, but thanx soo much to all the ppl who've been prayin for him. his eyesight's gradually gettin better... PRAISE GOD! but yah.. everything else is stressing.. might not be home for a while, cuz some guy @ the hospital my dad wuz at died of sars... and my dad may have to be quarantined for 10 dayz when he comes home.... so i might not be at home for the next ten dayz... whaaa!!!! i already miss him so much already, and i might not even see him for another two weekz!!!!!!!!

thing is, through all this, God's been mad amazing.. He's given me so many B.A.S.I.C.s to support me thru all this.. just ppl to talk to, ppl rootin for my family and prayin for us... wow... and there IS power in prayer... i dunno where i'd be if i weren't a Christian.. seriously, i'd be like going insane right now.. yet somehow, i still have my head about me and i can still somwhat think straight.. altho lately, i've been a l'il flustered... *sigh* i guess itz just cuz ther's a lot to do in the coming week for school cuz univ marks are due next tues and then ther's fellowship(s) and all the stuff related to that... and church and work... oh my.. and then softball stuff too... argh.. so busy all of a sudden... yet somehow, i know i'm gonna get thru all this.. i think i just hafta stop worrying.

argh... =P talkin to a B.I.C.. and i guess just got reminded to NOT rely on my own strength, but on His alone... yah.. i'm gettin mad worried about this upcoming week.. got so much to do and i might not even be in the comfort of my own home thru it all.. then marks are due in and i can't just bomb all the stuff thatz due this week... *sigh* but yah... gotta have more faith.. kinda ironic, isn't it? whatever is impossible with men, is possible with God... and i can't get thru this week on my own strength.. i mean i'm tired just THINKING about it... mmm.. gotta pray more... plz plz plz pray for me (for those rding this) thx so much for everything already... God's been amazing with the blessings... thingz are awesome with my family, my friends, school's been decent, fellowship's been amazing.. blog more about that some other time... and of course... hero... (sucha blessing) hahaha... =D

"Do not worry about your life... Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? ... Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.


matthew 6:25-34

oh my... havn't blogged in AGES.... i hate being so busy... *sigh* wish i had more time on my hands... but itz all good.. God's still shining thru all the hectic-ness... mmm.. where to begin? its been like a week since i last blogged? something like that... but in a week so much has happened!!! wow... i guess itz now time to reflect.. hahaha... hopefully i get back to blogging like everyday so i won't have to write so much at one time... meh we'll see what time i have and opportunity i have to blog.. =D

okay... so mmm... been a week since i blogged... grr... gotta try to remember what happened this past week.. =) oh!!!!!! RIGHT!!!!! i got into ocad!!!! waaaahhhhhhh!!!! actually.. i'm wrong.... GOD GOT ME INTO OCAD!!!!!!!!!!! PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!! i don't know what to say... cuz itz like early admission too!!! and yah, true, york is my first choice, but i mean OCAD!!! thaz apparently a mad hard school to get into!!! whoo!! praise God!!! =D so i'm still waiting on a response from york, but i guess if ocad's where God's leading... then that'z where i'll be next year.. it won't be BAD or nething... just diff from the other universities.. and on the plus side i get to go to the art gallery and stuff.. and itz close to ut downtown.. so i can meet up with friends and stuff when i have time... whoa.. so many considerationz to make and what not... *sigh* gettin old...

okay.. what else.. OH!!! fellowship on wednesday.. well yoah on tuesday and fellowship on wed.. whoa!!! God's TOTALLY amazing.. i gotta remember this for this tuesday so i can share @ yoah.. newayz.. so we were talking @ yoah about what God's been doing in the schools and starting to hook up the schools with churches and pastors nearby... wow... when God workz, God works... so after yoah on tues, the bethune fellowship pplz who went to yoah kinda felt like something wuz gonna happen on wednesday.. not necessarily anything extraordinary.. but SOMETHING... so yah.. and on wed, i had spare last period and meeting to go to, so i wuz kinda late for fellowship.. turns out, they thought i wasn't gonna go so they made some planz for the fellowship.. PRAISE GOD!!! cuz i don't wanna alwayz be the one running stuff and what not... cuz what happenz next year??? i don't want ppl to be dependent on me.. i want them to be dependent on God... so yah... they somewhat had stuff planned which wuz awesome.. cuz it meant that i didn't hafta do nething!!! whoo!! and yah.. i walk into the cafe expecting to see like 20 ppl there.. which is usually the case.. and BAM!!! walk in... see 32 ppl there... and when i wuz pulling out the worship stuff for them to use that waz when it really hit me how much 30 some ppl actually is... =) wow... just in awe... amazed...and we were prettie much ill-prepped.. no transparencies, no projector.. piano wuz taken away.. so we just had the guitar.. no program or nething planned... so thingz were kinda done on the fly.. but they DID start talking about next year and the leadership and stuff.. and PRAISE GOD!! there are actually a few ppl that WANT to help out and stuff.. and the idea of having a coffeehouse is also bouncing around... whooo!!! never expected God to be doing this in good ol' bethune... mmm.. gotta keep lifting up the fellowship in prayer.. wow.. this is what happenz when GOD leads... whoa!!!!!! sometimes wish i could stay another year just to see what God does in the school.. ack!! He's so gonna take the fellowship and run with it... and itz sooo encouraging to talk to the younger pplz.. hehehe.. the young'ens... cuz they're dreaming SOOO big for God.. and it totally makes sense too!!! cuz like God's a BIG GOD.. and He deserves BIG dreamz... like if we dream small, itz kinda pointless cuz then we know that we can do it on our own.. but with BIG dreamz... we know that we gotta rely on God's power to have it become a reality.. the kids in the fellowship were saying that they wanted to see the fellowship size double next year.. cuz it doubled this year from last year's numbers.. we had 15.. this year we have 32... and they wanna see 60 next year and 120 the year after... like WHOA!!! the cafe'll be FILLED with ppl.... ack!!!! wanna see it happen!!! God's amazing...

so yah... God's been doing really amazing thingz.. He may not be whacking me... actually wait, no.. He has been whacking me... lemme think.. there have been lessons about purity and faith... yah.. mostly purity and faith... and they've been eye-opening, mind-bending, attention-getting kinda lessons too... mmm.. God's good... no wait.. God's great... 'nuff said... can't wait to see what He's gonna be doing this week... =D

... my heart is bursting Lord, to tell of all You've done ...
- the happy song -

wow... its been a week since tc... and i didn't completely finish the whole backtracking thing... so i guess i'll start with that and then continue with what went on this week and how God's been pulling me through... wheee!!! =D

arrites... so the thurs of march break.. the last day of tc... it wuz tiring.. just cuz we all didn't get a whole lotta sleep and we even slept IN ... but yah... i wuz able to take a nap during interaction, which i sorta wish i didn't sometimes, just cuz i missed out on the bethel team interaction... but the rest wuz much needed.... so yah... and well going into tc.. i guess i figured that i'd get whacked real hard by God... like i wuz seriously expecting to learn some real hard lessons.. like i wuz BRACING for it.. but God had other planz... He spoke more in a whisper i guess... like i felt like i LEARNED.. but not so much in the breaking down in tearz kinda learn.. more in the gaining info in my head and applying it kinda learn... it wuz awesome... tc this year wuz SOOO not about hype.. and i'm hoping the result frum after tc is still the same as last year's... cuz last year after tc, stuff CHANGED.. and i'm glad for it too!!! =) ANYwayz.. so the thurs of tc... we were talking about songz for the nite session and we were talking about surrender.. then all of a sudden i started to think about the words and never has the words to that song hit me so hard as it did when we sang it during the worship time... like WHOA.. don't know how to describe it.. just AMAZING...

"i'm giving YOU my heart, and ALL that is within
i lay it ALL down, for the sake of YOU MY KING
i'm giving YOU my dreams, i'm laying down my rights
I'M GIVING UP MY PRIDE, for the promise of new life"

amazing... and the chorus... i surrender ALL TO YOU... wow... those words just hit home.... so yah.. thaz my whole thing about the song surrender... sooo convicting...

anywayz... this is gonna be SUPER LONG.. but yah.. i'm actually procrastinating prettie bad right now.. =P should be doing my eng, but i wanna think about this past week i guess... so newayz.. this past week has been insane... like seriously, insane... i had so much stuff to do, and just a lotta STUFF... but somehow, i'm still alive and kickin and its friday! so yah... i had a two-part eng assignment due today (praise God i got an extension to monday!! phew) and i had a comp arts isu due, plus a phys test to study for... plus work last nite, tonite and tmw.... and piano, and fellowship.. just a lot on my plate... and i never thot i'd get thru it alive.. much less happy... =D but i am!!! and i dunno.. God's grace has really been sustaining me... HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT... and so yah.. been learning thingz everyday... sometimes hard to find time to be with Him, but i guess thatz something i gotta work on... spending more time just being still.. and just BEING... =)

what else to say??? school's been tough, but hopefully after this week... meh... we'll see what happenz.. only a few more months left of highschool... yet i'm somewhat ready to leave i guess... i dunno... signz that i'm getting old.. hahaha... ANYhow... i miss my basics!!!! waaaaahhh!!! the media team, the worship team... my bethel team!!!! grrr.. wish tc wuz more than just two dayz.. but then again, it wuz never about the conference anyway... the actual conference wuz more of a launching pad for a ton of new friendships... hopefully we all keep in touch.. hehehe.. if not i'll hunt 'em all down!!! muahahaha... =D (j/k for anyone reading this... i'm not insane.. really!!! =D) but yah.. i really really really really miss 'em all... luv 'em with all my heart... hope we get together again soon!!!! and hope to get to know pplz frum bethel more... *sigh* feel so bad about missing out on so much of the interactions and stuff... bleh!!! nehooz... head's gettin prettie sore now... i might start gettin hysterical.. eeeekkkk!!! lotsa stuff coming up.. but next week lookz like a nice breather kinda week.. not much stuff.. i hope... =) blog more later.. hahahaa... CONGRATS to whoever made it this far in my blog.. hahaha.. today's wuz SUPER LONG.. sorrie!!! but i warned ya before!!! =D BE BLESSED!!!!

okay... i'll probably be blogging in sections today.. just cuz there's so much stuff crammed into my head and i gotta get my thots organized a bit? mmm.. where to begin.. how about with TODAY... then we'll backtrack? so today wuz the first day back @ cecc... wow... never knew how much i missed my brotherz and sisterz there.. and itz interesting cuz i went back and just FELT different being there... i dunno why... like i wuz excited and happy to see my basics again, but at the same time i wuz kinda like observing? watching? i dunno.... ANYwayz...i think God's trying to send me a message.. .it'll make sense once i backtrack... and so yah... today i wuz changing and stuff.. and popped in the surrender cd and set it to shuffle... so it just playz random tracks... go figure the first song i hear is SURRENDER....and well letz just say i got whacked prettie good with that song frum tc... it'll make sense later... so yah... and i just broke down.. got on my knees and prayed... teared up and stuff too... wow... God's amazing.. then i went to church saw my "family" again... and yah.... service starts.. i open the bulletin and the title of the sermon: a vision of worship....(WHOA!) and we start singing songz and stuff... and the last song we sing... SURRENDER... (WHOA!) God just put me in my place... seriously... and so yah.. the msg wuz about changes in perspective that we need to truly worship... basically to sum it up, we need a new vision of God.. and true vision of ourselves, a new vision of grace and a new vision of service.... if more detailz are needed, just msg me or summthin and i'll spit out my sermon notes.. =) so yah... interesting msg...

then fellowship... wow... those kids... hahaha.. i know i'm gettin old when i start referring to the pplz in my fellowship as kids.. wow... am i ever old... newayz.. i won't digress for the time being.... so today wuz "bring a friend" day @ fellowship and yah, we had a few ppl.. .and we sang freedom and blessed... it wuz cool cuz i got to share some of the technical stuff that i learned thru the worship team (luv and miss u guyz!!!!!!) but it wuz really really awesome... i wuz playin the piano so i couldn't see how everyone else wuz worshipping, then it hit me... how are YOU worshipping, hazel? and just WHOA... got put in my place again... *sigh*

so that wuz church this morning. and the day'z not over yet, so who knowz what else is coming tonite. anywayz... over the past few dayz i've been feelin like there's a lotta stuff that God's gotta show me ... like convict me of... ther'z just something that makes me feel... blah? i unno how to describe it... like life's prettie good... seriously.. but just something that makes me bleh... i dunno.. so i've been asking God to convict me and i guess pull me outta this "funk" (as raine would say... ) and yah.. BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU PRAY FOR... cuz God's been convicting me and just revealing Himself to me... for example.. today's blurb from my utmost... and i guess i'll leave with that for the time being... add more about tc and the past few dayz later....

The deadliest attitude of the Pharisees that we exhibit today is not hypocrisy but that which comes from unconsciously living a lie.

mmm... TC THIS WEEK!! wwwwwhhhhoooooaaaa!! (as sammi would say...=) can't believe itz already here... three months since we started.... gone by so fast... crazie!!! itz been an amazing three monthz tho... God's been teaching in every way possible... can't wait to see what He's gonna do @ tc... what He's gonna do to the people that are going.. what He's gonna do to me... oh my.. i have a feeling i'm in for a real good smackin... (in a good way of course...=) but yah... tc last year wuz a memorable one... changed my perspective on so many thingz... so i can't wait to see what God's got in store for this year!!!

ahhh!! the past few dayz have been toomuchfun... =) luv u guyz!!! worship pplz... hahahha... we eat WAAAAYYY too much... but we got lotsa fun times coming up.. hehehee.. and way too many quotes we gotta post up!!! oh my.... i'm so blessed to have met these brotherz and sisterz... really really really hope that we continue to stay close and talk and what not even after tc.... aahh!!! in like 3 monthz i gained 3 amazing sisterz.... heehehe... luv that we got closer and opened up more... and yah.. the guyz are great too.. hahaha.. =) newayz... got this song stuck in my head....

only You, can fill my deepest longing
only You, can breathe in me new life
only You, can fill my heart with laughter
only You, can answer my heart's cry

only You, Lord... pleaz be my focus for this coming week... draw me into ur presence and just teach me... reveal Yourself to me... thank You for loving me and blessin' me with everything that i have.... i praise You and You alone... =)

newayz.. i'm mad procrastinating right now... gotta get back to work... gonna be silent for a while.... need to listen to God.. =) plus i won't be home.. hahahaha.. =D BE BLESSED!!!! thanx to ppl who take the time to read all this.. hahahha.. itz really not that good... just stuff that comes thru my head.. my weird weird head.. =) lata!!!

"God's work...
done in God's way...
never lacks God's blessings"

heard that on the radio today at lunch... my dad wuz listenin to some speaker on wdcx.... itz really self-explanatory... well.. brain's shut off for the day... actually it's kinda been "off" since i handed in my calc test.. hahahaha.. whoo!!! PRAISE GOD!!! He got me thru that test... insane-ness... hehehehe... i know i didn't study as much as i shoulda.. but hopefully i did well... meh... PRAISE GOD!!! march break next week!!! ack!!! 6 dayz to tc... well 5 days now.. but aaahhh!!!! mad prayers...

gonna go and just "be" with God... just listen... and just be still.... yippee!! worship prac tmw... and shopping too!!! awesome day ahead.. hahahha.. and no early prac so i get sum sleep too!!! yay!!!! newayz... God's calling... =)

"Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow..."

wooo.. crazie outside today!!! waaah... missed volleyball cuz of all the snow... they still had practice too!! =P oh wellz.. tmw's another day... another practice.. wheee!!! hehehe... runnin tandems are fun... esp when u have two HUGE guyz jumpin then me on the side... so tiny.. hehehe... grrr... need to grow... =) okay.. losing my mind... thaz what school does to u...=P

NEwayz... didn't blog yesterday... but still had something to say... so yesterday.. well actually the day before.. so that would be...monday... i wuz tryin to look over phys stuff but didn't really get the stuff in the txtbook.. cuz my teacher explained it WAY differently, so i couldn't do the practice problems and what not.. and with phys.. if u don't keep up, u'll get lost... so i wuz mad worried that i'd get lost and stuff then i have a test the week after march break... so i'm like crazily worrying.. =/ then i go to class on tuesday thinkin, awww man.. he's (the teacher) gonna go and give another lesson and i still don't understand this one!! so i wuz planning on asking him to explain.. but PRAISE GOD!!! apparently, no one else in the class understood the hwk either so he spent like almost half the class going over it and explaining it!!! wheee!!! God in the small stuff.. =D

newayz... so blessed... realizing that more and more each day... PRAISE GOD... =D

"God, please reveal urself in the small stuff today..."

okay.. just a quick l'il blog... need some sleep.. gotta get up early for volleyball again tmw... WHEE!! so much fun.. =) newayz... God really answered my prayers today.. woooo!!! prayers work!!!! =D but yah... after Chris' msg yesterday, i guess i really got challenged to seek God more.. and to like look for Him in the small stuff (hehehe.. elsie!! He's in the small stuff and it all matters! =) so yah... so i actually got up early today for no reason.. and i got to spend some time with Him before headin off to school.. =P and my prayer for the day wuz "God, please reveal Yourself to me... even in the smallest things today..." then i went off to school...

and well God's enlightenment (woo! big word! =) came during bio class.. second period.. we had a guest speaker come in and talk about organ transplants and organ donation.. it wuz actually prettie interesting, cuz she wuz talking about her son and all the stuff that her family had to go thru while waiting for organs for her son and what they went thru during the operation and after... it wuz informative.. =) and well she also included some tid bits about the actual bio stuff.. here's one and i wuz just so WOW about it cuz itz God's work! so her son needed to have a liver transplant and she wuz talkin about one of the options they had if a liver didn't come in time.. basically, they were gonna take a piece of her husband's liver.. like half or something and put it into her son.. the amazing thing about livers is that u can take half and put it in another body and both'll grow back to full size.... how cool is that??? God totally planz!!! just amazing... after i heard that i'm like.. wow God... small things... small things... =)

well thaz all for today.. got kinda lengthy.. need to get some sleep.. got a long week ahead.. ack!!! and only 9 more dayz till TC.. well 8 now... =) gonna be mad fun... wanna learn so much.. =D

"Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls."

jeremiah 6:16

wow.... been silent for a few dayz... meh.. watevr! this weekend wuz amazing... tc worship on friday, saturday, AND sunday, WOOO!!! LOVE U GUYZ!!! hehehehe... my goodness.. can't believe TC is two weekz away!!! ackkk!!!! freakiness... so yah... today wuz the first crack @ leading worship.. oh my... that wuz nerve-racking.. but gotta let God lead.. not me... hahha.. apparently, i'm really shy when it comes to standing in front of ppl and LEADING worship... with a microphone and all.. ahhahaha... singing once again and my voice wuz SHAKING... eek!!! but good exp... learning lotz...

ANYhow... God's been mad teaching again... not quite in the whack u across the head and throw u around the room kinda way, more in a poking u in the head kinda way, but still kinda painful when He pokes u hard... meh... learning a lot from EVERYTHING... other ppl'z blogs.. hahaha.. and like oh my.. the msgs today... that wuz a good WHACK too... but yah... just thinking about upcoming stuff... like tc... school... just realized that the WEEK after tc is jam packed with stuff thaz due!!! wwwaahh!!! need some mad time management skillz...=/ probably gonna hafta make some decisions and stuff too w/ univ and other stuff.... gotta spend more time with God.. just learning and waiting.. gotta listen intently otherwise i might miss that "whisper" ... *sigh*

oh!!! another thing i realized today... i really dunno what i WANT... like there are certain thingz that i know for sure.. like i WANT to get into york... and i WANT to graduate this year and play softball this summer.. but like there are other thingz that are so foggy and unclear... so weird.. eh.. meanz more prayer's required! gotta keep remindin myself that God's in control and HE knowz what HE'S doing... all i gotta do is wait and again... trust.. it all boils down to trust... gotta get back to waiting upon the Lord... His answerz are never late... =)

Let us acknowledge the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth."

hosea 6:3

so tired... so sleepie... business test wuz okay... hope i did well... hahaha.. sorrie to whoever's reading... my sentences might not be complete, cuz the brain's slowly shutting down... =P ANYhow... today wuz a great day... lotsa fun with volleyball prac in the morning.. oh my goodness... the guyz on the team jump my height!!! ack!!! scariness!! but itz cool cuz we're learnin how to run tandems (fakes and what not) so itz prettie cool!!!! and hopefully i get to work on my timing and actually get a really good spike down.. wheee!!! love volleyball... so much fun....

mmm.. work wuz tiring.. sleepy... had to rearrange the whole children's curriculum section.. waaahhh... so messed up there.. but yah.. i got to sit while doing it, so it's all good i guess.. got to see a buncha ppl that i havn't seen for like a week... cuz i havn't worked for like week...whoo!!! love my work pplz.. mitchells ppl!!! wheee!!! hehehe.. we have way too much fun there... itz like i get to work with my b.a.s.i.c.s.. hehehehe... wow... so awesome... so blessed to work there... =)

this week's almost over!!! PRAISE GOD! it went by so fast!!! monday: phys test, tues: bio quest, wed: GOD MOVING, thurs, work, and tmw worship prac.. then sat work and worship prac then sunday church and probably some chill time with the team.. then enxt week.. !!! oh!!! got my report card... PRAISE GOD!!!! my average actually went UP tho a coupla my marks went down.. don't know HOW that happened. but PRAISE GOD... =) this week's been awesome so far.. even tho i had mad tests and had so little sleep.. but itz all good.. almost over! then next week... oh my... isu presentation and calc test, then MARCH BREAK!!! and TC!!! yippee!!! hehehe... okay.. gettin hysterical... God's been good.. God IS good.. and He'll STAY GOOD... =D

gotta go do a powerpt presentation... *sigh* need to take a nap.... naps are good... =)

"Let everything that
Everything that
Everything that has breath
PRAISE THE LORD"

wow... i dont' know what to say about today... God's been working in HUGE wayz.. just wow... speechless... kay.. this is how the day went... so amazing!!!!

morning volleyball practice... then five minz before class starts, the usual morning music starts playing.. its usually the latest pop songs or watevr's been good on the radio and what not, sometimes an oldie like the beatles or something too.. but this morning, i wuz talkin to elaine @ her locker and she goes, "i love this song!" and i'm like, "what song is this?" she goes, "it's Hungry!" i'm say, "nah.. can't be.. why would they play a Christian praise song over the p.a. system?" then she sayz, "it is! just listen!!!" so we wait for the intro to finish... then the vocals come in..."Hungry I come to You for I know You satisfy." we both just about freak out... so excited and happy and like giddy all at the same time.. so we go down the hallway singing along.. and like going omg!!! Christian music's on the p.a!!! and whenever we see ppl frum fellowship, we'd be like " are u hearing this??!??" wow.. so THAT on its own wuz amazing.. and the thing is, Hungry isn't one of those songs that could pass as a secular song... ther's that line that clearly says, "Jesus, You're all this heart is living for." so clear.... so ppl HAFTA know that itz not some pop song... WOW... amazing... God's seriously moving!!!!

and that's not all... we had fellowship today afterschool.. and jason got a msg basically to have a prayer walk.. to have ppl break off into small groups and just pray for and in different parts of the school.. so we went with it... a few ppl walked around the school or went to diff parts of the school to pray... and others just stayed in the cafe and worshipped.. amazing... i think like 2 teachers actually walked INTO the cafe while we were worshipping and i dunno what they're reactions were... i wuz walkin around at the time just prayin for the diff places that i hang out with my friends... oh!! and thaz another thing.. i wuz walking around in the commons, esp the places that my friends and i chill and just prayin for God's Spirit to rest there and for the salvation of my friends... then i see our principal walk by. so i wuz prayin for her too... for her salvation (not sure if she's Christian) and just for her to be behind us in claiming the school as Holy Ground for God... then as i wuz leaving the commons, she caught up to me and i said hi and stuff to be polite and she asked me, "are you in Christian fellowship?" and i say yes.. and she sayz something that catches me completely off guard..."Good girl!" i just smile.. and praise God for already starting to move in her... and then i just stood outside the cafe for a while.. and i saw her walk by our cafeteria where everyone wuz worshipping and u can HEAR the worship from the hallz and she somewhat pauses then continues to walk... AAAAHHHHH!!!! God's madly movin in bethune!!! WOOOO!!! can't wait to see what He's gonna do for the rest of the year!!!!

so all in all, today wuz a great day... somewhat kickin myself in the butt for fallin asleep and not studying, but well gotta pay the consequences now... =P well i'm off... gotta shower then try to memorize 5 pages of notes!!!! ppl reading.. PLZ PRAY FOR ME!!! thanx a billion...

GOD IS GOOD... ALL THE TIME... :D

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances..."

1 thessalonians 5:16-18

wow.. today wuz yet another awesome day... THANKS GOD...=) mmm.... lemme think.. yesterday went by prettie quick... don't know why.. it wuz a monday too! but it flew by really quickly... but yah.. and my phys test wuz okay... i guess.. dunno if i did like REALLY well or not, i guess i'll find out when i get it back... and today.. phew! went by a l'il slower.. don't know why.. but s'all good... didn't get my report card, cuz i left school after my spare... so skipped out on tap... =/ but i'll pick it up tomorrow.. oh my.. i'm so glad i have brotherz and sisterz to keep me accountable and gimme that whack across the head before God does... =) don't know what i'd do without 'em.. probably end up running amok and messin EVERYTHING up... THANK GOD for basics... =)

oh!!!! i'm SOOOOO thankful today... hahaha.. oh my goodness... i saw the l'il kid in my grandma today... it wuz so cute!!! she didn't like run around with a lollipop or nething.. but just some characteristics of a child that wuz sooo cute... =) so i got home early.. around 2ish or so... and my grandma wuz cooking... AGAIN.. hahaha.. she's sucha good cook!!! i can't believe she's gonna leave on the 15th... so soon.. =( but neway.. back to my story.. =D (sorrie for whoever's reading.. it's long...) so she wuz cooking... but she wuz making like snacks and stuff.. and she wuz making mini-pizzas outta bread slices, hot dogs, ketchup, relish and cheese... it sounds weird, but it tastes REALLY good... =) but yah.. she wuz making mini-pizzas for me and my l'il bro.. but more for my l'il bro cuz pizza's like his fave food... so yah... just THAT on itz own wuz so sweet.. =D so yah.. and then after she made 'em.. it wuz like 3 or so? and usually she'll go and take a nap in the afternoon.. but this time she didn't.. and so my mom asked her why she wasn't gonna rest? and she didn't say nething.. and my mom's like oh!!! u're waiting for jon (my l'il bro) to get home... and my grandma just laughed.. itz soooo cute!!! she wuz waiting for my bro to come home so that she could see the expression on his face when he saw those mini-pizzas that she made especially for him.. =)

itz kinda like l'il kids who do something and just WAIT for their parents to come home so that they can show 'em what they did... =) itz so cute.. hahaha.. i'm so grateful for my grandma.. since she's been here.. she's been cookin our favourite foods and stuff.. and making breakfast, lunch AND dinner... and she cooks like SOOO much too.. not just one dish.. like 4 or 5 sometimes... thankin God so much.. =D itz kinda funnie when i think about it... cuz we're like that too... with God... well ther's two wayz to look @ it i guess... we wanna impress Him with the stuff that we do... and the other point of view is that God's just WAITING for us... wanting to show us what HE can do... wow.. amazing stuff.. =D meh.. all i can say is...

...GIVE THANKS... :)

wow... what an awesome day. don't have a verse in mind to share.. but yah... today wuz awesome... first i woke up and like had a bazillion thingz to do on my mind... =P but yah... once i got somewhat organized and actually LEFT the house and got going with my day... it wuz fun... =) okay... lemme see.. worship prac... fun times... God's times.. hahaha.. =) got some stuff out into the open with sharing and what not, devos, testimonies, and just l'il anecdotes throughout the day. PRAISE GOD!!!! God really put things in perspective today. just how blessed i really am to be on the team and to meet these awesome ppl that i have the privilege to call my brothers and sisters... and i'm so glad that us girlz are getting closer together... PRAISE GOD!!! we had our momentz to talk.. or as tim says.. our "issues" hahahaha...=) but yah.. awesome-ness... =D

'kay... so after wuz dinner... hahaha.. so jokes... =D oh my... u guyz can seriously scarf down food!!! crazy!!! so fast!!! but yah... fun times... too bad we had a few time restrictions.. haahha.. can't wait till march break.. WHOO!!! we're all gonna be so insanely tired tho... ah wellz, gotta depend on God to give us strength. today we were like SOOO exhausted... just wanted to get thingz done... and like we were sorta "distracted" here and there.. myself included.. just getting into mini-convos along the way... but God got us thru.. and we actually got stuff DONE... so PRAISE GOD! another prac on friday... wheee!!! can't wait!!!

aside from that... birthday party... whoo!!! happy 18th to melissa and gordon!!! yay!!! fun times... havn't chilled with 'em in AGES... miss 'em so much... and even tho a lotta of 'em are non-c... a lotta them are Christianz too... PRAISE GOD!!! i'm so glad i've got good Christian friends/siblings @ school too... yippee!!! God's SOOOOOOOOOOO good to me... so undeserving.. but i guess thaz what grace is all about, right? =) one thing i came to realize today tho.... i might not see these people again after this school year.. waaahhh!!!! i wanna spend more time with 'em.. but like ther'z so many thingz that i gotta do nowadayz... don't have the time... =( guess i gotta keep praying.... hopefully we'll get to chill during the summer.. just spend some time together before we all go off to univ... the thing is... i also realized that yah... i may lose touch with a lotta my non-c friends, but my Christian pplz are alwayz gonna be a part of me... the stuff they've taught me, the prayerz, the support and the friendship... someting i'll never forget... and i KNOW we'll keep in touch... =D if not here, then definitely in heaven... =) and like all the stuff that i wuz strugglin with before about feeling left out among my friends and stuff... i dunno.. that kinda didn't bug me tonite... PRAISE GOD! meanz He's changing me... and just teaching me more and more... (in a less whacking and bruising kinda way....=) and well truthfully, the fact that i even get INVITED to parties is something to be thankful for already... =) newayz, i'm beat.. .need some zzZzz's....

"Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God."

"The Lord is wonderfully good to those who wait for Him and seek Him."

lamentations 3:25 (nlt)

WHOO!!! okay.. been silent for a while on blogger.. just cuz portfolio interviews!!! aaah!!!! but u know what??? PRAISE GOD!!! He got me through 'em... with unbelievable calmness too... thanks to all the ppl who were prayin for me and the interviews this past week... God heard ur prayers.... PRAISE GOD!!! =) so well, i tried my best, hopefully put forth a good impression... got a few compliments, but of course, they're compliments to God, cuz ther's no way in the world i could produce something that ppl like seeing if it wuzn't for God's gifts and awesome blessings... =) nehoo... now i gotta play the waiting game. earliest i can hear from 'em is early april... so it's all in God's hands now... and when i start worrying and freakin out... well this is what i remember "for i know the plans i have for you..." amazing promise... just clinging on to that... oh!!! and one thing thaz been so amazingly cool... God's never late with His answers... hahaha.. awesome-ness!! =)

"If it seems slow, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed."

habakkuk 2:3 (nlt)

ANYhow... some lessonz i've been learning... still a lot on patience.. but i learned the other day that everything boils down to love and trust. makes sense. if u love someone, u'll trust 'em. if you trust that person, u won't be worrying, cuz well you TRUST! thaz the key... and if you love AND trust the person, obeying and waiting comes like second nature. so essentially, everything's about trust and love... and well of course faith... just cuz without faith, then u're nowhere... but yah.. some interesting thingz God's been teaching.. and well thankfully they aren't in extremely painful, whacking me across the head kinda ways... =) but well sometimes we need the bruises as reminders... cuz we're so forgetful.. me especially... =P anywayz.. busy busy weekend.. but fun nonetheless... so glad i got these two dayz off school, even if i did have portfolio interviews... wellz.. all i can say... is PRAISE GOD!!!

"If we look forward to something we don't have yet, we must wait patiently and confidently."

romans 8:25 (nlt)

okay.. nerves are REALLY REALLY building now... been getting my portfolio organized today for my interviews... worrying about 'em one @ a time.. first york.. THEN ocad... ack.. both are freaking me out tho... talked to my art teachers today and they're like u're on a good track, u're set.. just go and be confident and speak... oh my goodness... i'm like stressed, yet unbelievably calm... but i KNOW i'm like forgetting stuff.. and i dunno.. i think itz cuz i'm like i can't do nething else about it.. like anything i do now won't be that good anyway cuz it'll be rushed... *sigh* just wanna get it over with now...

ack!!! after these next two dayz.. fun times for the weekend... then study.. MAD STUDY... got phys test on monday, then bio quest on tues, then bus admin test on thurs... waaah!!!!! perseverence... need strength... God!!!! HELP!!!! =O welpz, gotta go... still have a bazillion thingz to get done... wow.. WHACK.. God just reminded me to BE STILL... =P ouch... thaz gonna leave a bruise... =)

waaahh!!! mad stressed!!! =P can't believe my interviews are in 2/3 dayz!!! oh my goodness... scared!! =P got so much stuff to do to prep for 'em too.. and then NEXT week... lemme see... 2 tests, one quest, possibly one presentation... argh... so busy, so stressed.. need time to be still before God and just BE... =) so NEwayz... wuz kinda "sew hay" today (as katrina would say... hahaha.. ) grr.. don't like being so busy.. >=/

anywayz got a bazillion thingz to do... pplz... plz pray for my interviews!!! ack... hope i'm alrite... i know i can't get in.. but i know God can get me in... now all i gotta do is my part, then itz THE WAIT.. hahaha... go figure.. more lessonz in patience.. =P

"For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything."

1 john 3:20

what an awesome promise to cling to... especially JUST after valentines day... hahaha.. i got into a really strange conversation with someone about what valentines day is actually celebrating and where it originated.. hahaha.. interesting tho... looked it up at historychannel.com (i know i know.. i'm sucha nerd.. hahaha..) so yah... i read over this verse today... and itz so funnie, cuz when i talk to my dad about "heart matters" he's alwayz saying to guard my heart... to let my head rule and my heart follow.. which is contradictory to what other ppl say about "following you heart"... and it makes sense, cuz ur heart is so gullible... =) what ur heart feels is based on emotion.. and emotions can drive u insane... changing ALL the time. and then the promise: For God is greater than our hearts.... like WHOA!!! itz so comforting to know that even if we can't keep our hearts in check at all times, God's right there making sure that everything's okay... PRAISE GOD!!!

okay... so yesterday wuz fun... worship prac... awesome times.. =) itz AFTER worship prac, when i got home... that wasn't too much fun.... let'z just leave it at... i had to be painfully honest. and i emphasize the PAINFULLY. *sigh* but it had to be done... to be fair... to be a good friend... and well, to be honest and truthful and not lie. still no fun tho... =P and oh my ... these next few months.. actually wait.. these next few DAYS are gonna be insanely busy... so much stuff to do... so little time... really really really need God to pull me thru this week... ack!!! i need to stop worrying and just give it all up to God. (plz plz plz pray for me... gonna need it!) =/ anywayz... better get back to workin on my portfolio... waah!!! interviews are end of the week!!! and scholarship deadlines are friday!!!! oh my goodness... need to pray...